I had lunch with a former professor of mine the other day. My time in Canada is coming to a close, and he was asking me about it. He asked, “How have you changed the most in your time here?” Normally I don’t feel like I have good answers to those kinds of questions, but for this one, I was ready.
I said the biggest change was that now I had a positive identity. When I came to Canada to go to graduate school, my identity was largely negative. I had been living in a city with what seemed to me to be a pseudo-Christian culture, a place where people added a little Jesus-language to the American dream, gave a little shake, and call it Christianity. I hated it. I knew it wasn’t right, but couldn’t articulate a better way. I knew who I wasn’t, but I didn’t know who I was.
Now it’s different. Through some long, hard years of study and reflection, I’ve come to a place where I can articulate a better way. I have an understanding of my faith that gives me life and is compelling. It revolves around the concept of shalom, something I’ve written about on here before.
The next question: “How will it be going back?” I had to laugh at that one because I know that I will encounter things that push my buttons and piss me off. But as I thought about it, I realized it will be okay. Those things are no longer a threat to me. Now I my identity is rooted; I am defined by something else, something better. With a solid center I shouldn’t be as susceptible to reacting against, to feeling like I need to set myself apart. I know who I am and that will be enough.
Haha, that’s the theory anyway; we’ll see how it goes!
